I don’t see the point of believing there are better people out there. I’ve heard it all before. I’ve seen the charmers, the ‘friends’ that erupt like a volcano over nothing. Over what would be a compliment were it handed to me. Too many bridges have been burned in front of me for things that would roll off my back.
I can’t tell who is fake and who isn’t anymore. I can’t tell the genuine artists from the attention whores. I can’t tell if someone really cares about learning and growing as an adult, or if they just tell themselves they do so they can be absolved of responsibility. I can’t tell the nice people from the “nice people”. Every time I think I’ve found “the one who’s different”, the one who supposedly won’t let fame and success go to their heads, it turns out I’m wrong.
How long am I supposed to keep doing this? How long am I supposed to keep deluding myself into thinking anyone gives as much of a rat’s ass about me as I do for them?
I can’t tell when someone is being nice or if they’re being sarcastic. Or if it’s all some sick head-game they’re playing on me. I can’t tell the sheep from the wolves anymore. They all look the same. I’m tired of trying to sort them out.
I’m tired of it all. I’m tired of spending months or years admiring someone, only to find out I just liked their disguise.
I’m tired of good people ruined by success and fame, by drooling legions of “Fans” who think constructive criticism is a personal attack.
I’m tired of people coddling content creators.
I’m tired of caring about what people have to say, carefully considering it, and maybe changing my mind.
I’m tired of no one else doing the same for me.
I’m tired of believing that people are mostly good, kind, intelligent and charitable.
I’m tired of being told I have to give this person a chance, even though all of those other people turned out to be monsters.
I’m tired of believing anyone would give me that chance.
I’m tired of believing in the human race.
So if you think I’ve been unfair to you, or mean, or inconsiderate, and completely out of the blue, apropos of nothing? If you think I’ve needlessly cast you aside without any rhyme or reason, just to demonstrate what an asshole I am? If you feel completely cheated and unrecognized by me, the world and everyone in it?
Congratulations! Now you know what it’s like to be me.
I had a feeling you’d write something like this instead of just responding to the note I sent you.
First of all, I did consider you a friend. I enjoyed having you around, you can be a fun guy when you’re not stewing in your self loathing.
Secondly, just because I don’t always agree with your criticism does not mean that I think I’m better than you. It simply means that I don’t see what you see. It’s a matter of personal taste and perspective.
Third, what you said to me yesterday WAS rude. No, I don’t mean the criticism you had. That was fine, I can see how the pixelation in the image may look bad to some people. That’s a matter of personal taste.
The RUDE part was this, and I quote:
“Then I remembered I’m less popular on Tumblr. And that makes me wrong and dumb, apparently.”
This was completely and utterly uncalled for. Before I could even RESPOND, you assumed that I was going to put you down and shove you aside because you think I’m “popular” on Tumblr. You ASSUMED that because I get more attention than you, that I’m automatically an asshole.
Boy, I have been burned by people I thought were saints. Do you think I don’t know what it’s like to have your best friend turn around and bite you in the ass? Because I know very well. But you can’t let the negatives prevent you from feeling the positives.
You always seem to assume the worst of people. If you keep up that attitude, you will never find any “good people.”